Upon reading a recent blog, I remembered my long-lost attempt at my own...Here is the draft of my second post I never got around to posting. I figured I'd send it out anyhow. Note: This was 15 months ago...

So, I wanted my blog to have a format, as opposed to random blathering. I've come up with the idea to use a Deuteronomy 6:5 theme: "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." This was Jesus' answer when asked by a pharisee what the greatest commandment was (Matthew 22:34-38). My thinking is, with all I struggle with in my life, if this was God's greatest commandment to His people to live the fullest life, then I'm gonna run with this sucker.

I did a mini-study on the words "heart", "soul", and "strength". The gist of my study revealed the heart to be "our will" and the soul to be "the activity of that will"; basically, what's inside (the heart), and then what's manifesting itself from what's inside (the soul). So, my blog will be divided into what I'm doing to clean the inside (heart) and what I'm doing to make sure that spills out (soul). Loving God requires both: what you know and your response to it. Whatd'ya think? I'm excited and terrified! Here goes nothin'...

HEART: I am currently attending a Bible study with a group of the coolest cats on earth (for reals). We're doing a Beth Moore study on the fruits of the Spirit. We just finished a week of pounding in the fruit of love. I say pounding because we tend to use the term "love" way too frivoluously (e.g., "I love movies!"). If you're familiar with the Bible at all, you might have heard the term "agape" a few times. This is a Hebrew word for love in the Bible. Agape is much more than any mangy human attempt at love. It's monstrously more. It's unfathomable because it is completely against our nature. Agape, as Beth puts it, is driven by need. Need? Respond. Your preference for the person, your mood, the convenience: these are all irrelevant. That's why I consider it a "pounding". It's a reminder of how far I have to go and also an indicator of God's love and its extent.

SOUL: I have a tendency toward debilitating guilt. I hear about agape, and I automatically begin to wallow in my shortcomings. What I've learned through the study, and with the help of my girlfriends, is that agape = obedience. God's second greatest command? "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39-40). Jesus says, "All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." If God commands anything else, they will stem from these two requirements. The first being the most vital because, unless you're a heartless cretin, it is difficult to love! And I am so not talking about admiration. Anyone with lungs and vocal cords can proclaim undying devotion to someone, but when that person does something so hurtful you're not sure you could trust anyone ever again? Yeah, exactly. This is where agape comes in.

Sometimes, when my 3-year-old is having a tantrum, I think "This is insane! I am supposed to agape that?" More often than not, I don't agape, I react out of being inconvenienced or flat out avoid it. I don't particularly feel like loving my crazy, screaming child, but I must. She needs the security of agape in the chaos of her unkown. God commands I agape her and meet her need.

The coolest part about this? God provides agape for me. I know, right? Crazy. He doesn't just tell me to do something, He provides a way to make it happen. My job is obedience. He provides the power when we obey in the form of the Holy Spirit. (1 John 3:23-34) I realize that might get a little weird with Trinity doctrine, but the power's provided. Period. I'm sorry but that ROCKS! How freeing is it to know we don't have to conjure up emotions to agape others, especially the unloveable (un-agape-able?) We just meet the need, and God has got our backs for the rest of it.

Thus my goal is to meet needs. I will trust Him to provide agape as I obey.

PS. Some of you may be thinking, "This turned out to be random blathering anyway"; and to you I say, "I'm sorry". Ask my gracious hubby, I think I am incapable of anything but random and blathering. Others may be thinking, "What about the word strength? You didn't mention your findings on the third word you studied." And to you I say, I actually found out the coolest thing! Ready? "Muchness" Isn't that cool!?! The mostly grammar-saavy transcriptionist in me was like, "There is no way that is an actual word", but it is. The Hebrew word for strength means "exceedingly with muchness". In others words, "with everything you got". Be forewarned, this word will be added to my vocabulary, so don't get all lippy when I use it.

Here I go, off to meet needs with great muchness =)

I Cannot Persevere

I mean who really can, right? It has everything to do growing up and maturing, but I downright cannot make it through the initial running out the gate. I have every intention to go for it. Heck, I might even have a plan, but I can't seem to keep that momentum going.

I recently witnessed the fruit of perseverance. A friend of mine purchased a car, and not just any car. My friend is a pretty serious car connoisseur. She grew up on a certain make and knew exactly what she wanted. After patiently waiting for the best deal, it arrived, and she was ready with cash in hand to seal the deal. Did you hear that folks? She paid CASH. She's been working hard and putting a little something away with the hope of her ideal set of wheels. I imagine she relentlessly scanned craigslist day after day only to see her hopes dashed by lack of listings or hopefuls taken by other pursuers. You can see it on her pretty face: the illumination of basking in the fruits of her labor.

I can't remember the last time I worked that hard for anything. Perhaps it's the season my life is in. I feel I'm at the mercy of my two greater-than-life kiddos and my couldn't-ask-for-more hubby. I live my life according to their needs, and because I don't tend to my own, as I should (heart, body, mind, soul), the rest of my time is soaked up by escapisms, be it be food or movies. Things that don't require work, only partaking.

The thing is I'm drowning, and it's not to say that I am in some sort of crisis. I understand it can be worse, but I mean when AM I going to grow up? When am I going to step up to the plate and really hit one out of the park, y'know? When am I going to bask in the fruit of MY labor? I'm hoping blogging about "growing up" might help me do so. Walk with me?

"Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~James 1:4